When we bought our house over 5 years ago the front yard was over grown, badly full of thistles and weeds. The grass was over two feet tall and you couldn't even tell there was a small flower garden. There was a large and small ceder tree planted on either side of the flower bed. As I pulled and weeded, mowed and raked I gathered all the loose and fallen cedar bits that surrounded them. The smaller Cedar was no taller than I and was sickly. The larger one was full and about 6 feet tall. I hated them. I thought they looked awful and I was sure they were going to be pulled out and replaced with something else.
I left them be, I started to care for them. They were watered, fertilized, groomed, and shortly they began to fill out and grow. Not too long after this I noticed an abundance of little birds in our yard. I could hear their songs in the mornings and it didn't take me long to discover the several nests that were made inside of the larger tree. Over the years at any given time you will find at least twenty of these little birds huddling inside the tight branches.
Last spring the tree's didn't get new growth. In fact they were starting to look ill. I fertilized, watered, and trimmed them. After a couple of bad hail and wind storms it became clear that the Cedars were not going to survive all they were enduring. I had come to love my now 8 foot and 14 foot trees. I called an arborist and they came and confirmed what I had thought, they were dying and would soon no longer have any green left on them. He quoted a price to have them removed but we decided to wait awhile.
Yesterday I needed a time out. Mommy/wife needed to take a step out of the front door to cool down, to take a few deep breaths and find myself.
There on the front step in the -22 degree weather I noticed a little movement in the now mangled looking tree. They were there. They hadn't flown south, the little birds were hiding, huddling in the branches. I couldn't help myself as the tears poured out of my eyes. I thought of the upcoming spring and how the trees needed to be removed. How could I? I immediately thought of my Father in Heaven. How many times has he watched me find comfort and refuge in place he knew I couldn't stay? Knowing the struggle I would face he still sometimes needs to cut the branches away and force me to stretch my wings and fly.
I am in that place, the branches are cut. The tree is falling. I am scared to trust that my wings will carry me to another safe place to land. I am not a person who leans on others. Not even my husband. I don't have close friends. I am guarded, always have been. I come across very abrupt and over powering. I put up big walls, I am safe inside them. I now am watering, fertilizing, and caring for soul. I pray and find refuge in the scriptures. I read talks and listen to music to lift my soul. There is a season for everything, this is a season to help me learn to fly.
