Sweet Music

After his lip repair last December Matthew was really restless and we had a hard time keeping him sleeping and comfortable.  I made a little joke to the nurse that he must not be used to all the quiet since he's the youngest of four.  She laughed and left the room to come back with a small box that she plugged by his bed.  She turned it on and it played soft "black" noise to help him.  It worked once his swing came and the Morphine kicked in.  ;)

At Matthew's 6 month check up at the cleft clinic his plastic surgeon was thinking about having his palate repair done sometime in September. I am not looking forward to having my poor little one year old in so much pain and discomfort. (Yes, you read that right...he'll be one!)
Tonight I was blog surfing and came to this blog.  (This blogger is quite amazing, she really is inspirational.)  Picture a little light bulb go on above my head as I read about this give away.  Wouldn't this be so soothing and amazing for my little boy to listen to while he recovers??  I think so, so I'll keep my fingers crossed. 

Some days are harder than others.

I was at doctors appointments all day today and for a break I took Daniel to a McDonald's play place.  Matthew needed to eat and it was time for his lunch consisting of creamed corn and strawberry puree.  Matthew doesn't sit yet so I put a few of his blankets around him in a highchair to hold him up and we got down to business.  Matthew was uber distracted watching all the kids playing and screaming around him that it was hard to get him to stay focused.  About half way through the feed I could hear the ladies at another table talk about how young my baby was and how he wasn't old enough to be eating solids.  I was getting a tad annoyed when Matthew sneezed and his food came out his nose.  For him, this is normal and we don't clean his face unless it is bugging him.  It may not look pretty and can even be alarming but for Matthew he doesn't know or have a choice.  What goes into his mouth also ends up in his nose.  Enter the busy body ladies at the other table again commenting on how he was choking and the look of discust on their faces.  It was like I was waving a soiled diaper under their noses.   
Today I was jolted back into realizing that Matthew will forever have challenges.  He will one day have to face children who will tease him because of his scars, his split gums, his misplaced teeth.  A school photographer who may insist he shows his crooked teeth in school pictures.  Maybe the parent volunteer who will over correct him during one on one reading time because he can't say the proper phonetic sounds.
I know that we have lots of time to prepare, but for today i feel it and I'm overwhelmed.

Different Shapes and Sizes

This evening while we were eating supper Daniel got all of our attention to let us all know that his Daddy is a triangle.  Yep, apparently my husband is not rectangle, square, or circle...he's a big triangle. 

On Friday Daniel asked for a piece of bread.  I told him he could and he headed off to the side counter where we keep the bread.  As I was heading into the living room he calls me back and while standing in front of the counter exclaims, I'm not tall...can you reach it?  It was so cute and yes my poor boy, you are not tall. 

The other day Daniel climbs up on the side of my rocking chair to sit with me and asks: Are you a girl?  I tell him I am a girl to which he replies, I love girls. 

I just love this boy and he says the cutest things.  Maybe one day he'll be taller that a baseball bat.  ;)

*Sorry for the blurry picture, taken with my cell phone.*

Full

While out at our local home improvement store today I was approached by an elderly lady.  She was pushing her cart past mine which held Matthew in his car seat.  The other three where sitting around two small tables enjoying a late lunch. 
Our conversation went something like this:

Are all these kids with you?
Yes, these beautiful kids belong to me.
Your the Mother to all these kids?
Yes, I am their proud Mother.
Well you sure have your hands full.
She then told me to have a good afternoon and she walked away.

This is a typical conversation between curious strangers and I.  Usually I don't think twice about it however this lady got me thinking.  Yes, I am the Mother to four great kids.  I am very proud of my children and the are used to being in public and behave very well.  We are not immune from the odd melt down but for the most part, we hardly ever have problems.

So to this lady and others who ask, my hands are not full...my arms are.  They are the best huggers, the sweetest kissers, and my greatest joys. 

10 Second Rule?

I bought the kids pizza tonight for supper.  Knowing that my husband hates pizza I bought his usual order of 20 hot wings.  They are a bit pricey but hey, the guy really hates pizza.  As I am bringing the food into the house the box of wings falls and hits the garage floor.  Every single wing was laying on the concrete of our dirty garage.  Just my luck, in my attempt to avoid cooking I ended up getting take out and making supper.  ugh, what a day.  (And if your wondering, yes the thought did cross my mind to pick up the wings and "dust" them off.)

I'm taking it all off...

...and by all off I am referring to the extra padding I happen to have on my 5.5 frame.  I have mentioned before that a few of my family members started a challenge on January 2nd.  We all set a goal and a little friendly competition to loose weight.  We all weighed in together and marked down our weights and put them in an envelope.  We also all put in $50 to help with the motivation.  We are going to keep going until our final weigh in on July 2.  The person who has lost the most weight, by percentage of course wins.
Stepping on that scale in front of my whole family was super hard for me.  I did it with a kitchen full of my family and announced the large, scary number that was staring me in the face.  2.4.1.  Yikes I can't believe that I put this on my blog but yes my weight was an ugly 241 lbs.
Leaving my sisters house that day I realized that I had no game plan.  I didn't know where to begin.  So I came home and made a few changes, changes that I knew I could live with.  First thing first, no eating after 9:00pm.  It is still a late hour but sometimes by the time I get my kids settled, I haven't had my supper.  Eating breakfast every morning.  Making the decision that if I didn't want my kids to eat it, I wasn't allowed to.  It was only about a week into my new life style when my iPhone came to the door.  I saw a free application called Loseit.  I downloaded it and it has helped me to keep my calories in check.  I log everything I eat everyday and log any exercise I might get in.  I also record my weight so that I can see that little graph line dropping.  I also added my two sisters and my brother as friends.  They can see what my daily calorie intake is and if I happen to go over.  They also can see if I am getting off my butt and moving each and every day.
My goal is to drop 91 lbs. Hopefully I will reach this goal in November/December of this year.  If I don't not a huge deal, I want to do this in a healthy and safe way.  No crazy dieting and no pill popping for me.  I'm not able to go to a gym, and I won't be ordering any of Richard's or P90X DVDs in the near future.  However I will do this by facing the crazy woman who lives in my head.  The one who has been hiding for a long time leaving me to think that I would be forever fat.  She is slowly loosing her grasp on me and I am no longer in denial.  I have willpower.  Who knew??  I sure didn't.  I have to thank my sweet Matthew for this little gift.  After I found out that he was allergic to dairy I cut all dairy out of my diet so that he could still get my milk.  Breast feeding is something I have strong feelings about and believe that it is the best form of nutrition for any baby.  I was shocked to see that I was able to do this without any problems.  I was willing to give it all up just so that my son could have the best milk?  It took a few tears and a real shake of my head to apply that same logic to loosing weight.  Why was it so hard for me to leave the snacks, fast food, crappy junk food alone? Didn't I want all my kids to have the best, a healthy Mom?  
I am down 22 lbs and feeling great.  I am so proud of myself and know that I will be a better person and mother when this is all said and done. 

I am SO done with germs and bugs!

We have had quite the eventful house.  It started a few weeks ago when I happen to get yet another plugged duct.  (I'm pumping milk for Matthew since he is not able to breast feed.)  So take my word for it, if your doctor comes in and says she's going to use a large needle to drain out the infection...its going to hurt.  The bonus is it clears up really fast and doesn't hurt like a son of a gun.  ;)
Matthew had an appointment with his cleft team at the children's hospital.  Everything was going well until his ears started to drain clear fluid.  So after failing his hearing test again, they gave him some drops.  5 days later he had gross green pus coming out of his ear.  It happened at church so I decided to wait until the morning so that I could call his surgeon who put his tubes in to look at him rather than some one different.  The good news is tubes are still in place and everything is looking good. 
Becca had a cold with a mild cough.  She didn't get too sick and bounced back really quickly.  That's my girl, doesn't seem to miss a beat unless she is super ugly sick. 
Michael managed to one up his sister and got strep.  He then ended up have a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotic and ended up with hives covering his whole body and facial swelling.  The poor boy even had hives in his mouth.  He spent a couple of hours at the hospital getting dose after dose of medication to reduce the allergic reaction.  We got the lovely lecture from the  ER doctor that we need to call an ambulance the next time he gets a bad reaction like this.  I'm just hoping that he doesn't have a next time.   
Daniel must have been feeling left out of the loop of sickies cause he now has strep and pneumonia.  He is just in the beginning of his ordeal and we are waiting to see how bad his chest x ray is.  The poor boy is quite ill and spends most of the day on the couch with his monster truck. 
I can't leave DH out of the blog...he had his gout flair up in his ankle and has been limping around.  
I think that we have had our share now so I have spent the day cleaning like mad to try and rid our house of any remaining germs trying to hang out.  I would really like to get my hands on some of those CaviWipes, you know the super germ killer ones they have at the hospital.  They probably would be safer than my home made water/bleach spray bottle I carefully take around my house.  (I have dark blue carpet through out the house so I have nightmares about spilling it.  Can you imagine, YIKES!) 

6 Wonders for a Wonderful Boy

Happy 6 month birthday Matthew!

Here's 6 things all about you.

You:

smile

roll over

love rice cereal

giggle

sleep through the night

play peek-a-boo

growl

We love you!

Cupcake Galore!

This was a short week for the kids at school and since Valentines day is creeping up, I sent in some cupcakes for Michael and Becca's classes.  I am so proud of myself, just check them out...

Sharks for the boys...

Butterflies for the girls...

They were so much fun to make and my sister and I had a blast making about 80 cupcakes.

This was quite the undertaking let me tell you.  At several points in the day I was sure buying a box of cookies or a few bags of chips would have been a better idea.  Walking the cupcakes into the school reminded me why I wanted to do this in the first place, Mike and Becca brought the coolest snack that day!

Also this week Early Intervention came in to do Matthew's assessment.  Part of my wanted them to say that he was fine and that I was overreacting.  The other part of me was worried that they would over look what seemed so obvious to me.  If you watch Matthew play beside his cousin (who is the same age) no one can deny that she is leaps and bounds past him in development.  Matthew does have some delays and weaknesses.  We have been assigned to a theripist that will come every three weeks to help me work with Matthew.  In the mean time she gave us some exercises to do with him and I am excited to help him catch up. 

As for myself, I am STILL stuck on 16.5 lbs lost to date.  I'm trying really hard to remember that I only started my new lifestyle on Jan. 2 and that 16lbs is really good.  Ugh, I hate not having enough patience. 

Super Stars!

Rebecca is getting ready to take her RAD (Royal Academy of Dance) ballet exam.  She is in Grade one and is doing so well.  After speaking to her dance teacher last week Bec is more than ready and should do very well again this year.  Bec also got the highest Math test score this past week.  She was so proud and excited that everyone in the class clapped for her.  She continues so shine in her class at school and is so keen.  I love listening to her read to Daniel some evenings and she uses fun and cute voices to tell the stories.  Daniel just giggles and it's a great thing for a Mom to hear.

Michael's creativity sure does shine at home and school.  His art/math teacher is completely smitten with him and it shows.  He tries his very best for her and has learned alot.  I just love reading his weekly journal and the stories he write in his creative writing book.  He is excited to be starting soccer this spring and is SO excited for Cubs in April.  Every day he asks if we can go by his Cubs shirt and sash.

Daniel is such a good big brother.  I will often see him getting down on the floor with Matthew to play with him.  Daniel is now potty trained and is so proud of him self, he was so ready and trained himself.  Every morning Daniel packs his back pack and fills it with a few toys and his blanket.  When the twins get out of the van he always asks to go with them on the bus.  Daniel is so good about brushing his teeth, I swear he has his brush in his mouth every hour or so.  

Matthew is getting better with his development.  We are waiting for Early Intervention to come to our house to work with some of his delays.  He just started to put his fingers back up to his mouth this past week.  Matthew mostly plays with his feet, apparently they are the cats meow!  Matthew learned how to play peek-a-boo with his Grandma last week.  He has started solids and liked his rice cereal.  We tried oat cereal and that quickly became his favorite.  He is doing quite well with eating solids and shocked his speech pathologist and nutritionist.  

As for me, I am changing my life...for the better.  I have lost 16.5 lbs since Jan. 2/10 and if you find them, consider them a gift.  :P 

    

There isn't words...

...to fully describe how grateful I am for Matthew's doctors. 

Before:

After:

I only hope that one day I will be able to turn the table and help someone else as much as we have been helped and blessed. 

My Heros

M-masterful

I-imagination

C-charismatic

H-humorous

A-attitude

E-example

L-loving

R-reliant
E-energetic
B-brave
E-elegant
C-caring
C-curious
A-adorable

D-daring
A-adventurous
N-nailbiter
I-imaginative
E-elaborate
L-loving

M-mighty
A-adaptable
T-teeny
T-tenacious
H-happy
E-elect
W-willing

Hot Chocolate

The following was sent to me via email from my Aunt.  I am not sure who the author is so I can 't give the proper credit.


A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.


Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, we choose the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.

This month marks one year since I learned that I was pregnant with our fourth child.  A child that wasn't planned by us, however I knew he was destined for our family to love.  I remember having feeling of such inadequacy.  I had never felt that way before so it was new and scary.  I remember making several comments to people such as; "I feel like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar".  I felt different.  Something about Matthews pregnancy felt different.  It wasn't until 22 weeks later did I truly find out how special and different Matthew was and is.  Matthew is my Hot Chocolate.  How I prayed and morned for the perfect baby.  My heart broke as I worried about not finding love in my heart for a baby with a birth defect.  I worried about this child's future and during the last 12 weeks I wondered if he'd have a future. 

Just over a week ago my husband and I took our baby into the hospital and he had his first surgery.  I am so in love with this little baby and it broke my heart to know that we were about to forever change his beautiful smile.  A smile that was given to him for a reason I can't quite understand.  I almost felt like I was betraying him in some weird way.  After four long hours we met Matthew up in his room and I was blown away.  He was so different and then it hit...I began to mourn all over again.  I cried as I remembered the very first time I saw him and as I did in the very beginning of his life I held him in my arms and told him it was okay.  Giving him permission to cry also gave me permission to cry.  I loved my "plain cheep cup" and I will forever miss it.  I now have this beautiful, fine, and exquisite cup in my hand and for the moment all is well.

Are there stupid questions?

I used to believe that the only stupid question was one that wasn't asked.  I have changed my mind.  Years ago when my twins were born the nurse in the hospital asked what they were.  "A boy and a girl".  She then asked if they were identical.  "Uh, no.  They are a boy and a girl".  It took a while but she clued in and felt very embarrassed.  I waved it off as something funny and maybe she was having a blond day. 
Then the other night I took Matthew into the corner store with me to get a pop.  The clerk was nice and wanted to see him and of course noticed his cleft.  We chatted for a bit about it and then it came.  Another stupid question, "Did you fall down when you were pregnant?"  Really??  I would think that if I had fallen down it would have been me with the split lip, not the baby I was carrying.  I looked at her for a while hoping that she wasn't serious, but she was.  I politely said no and paid for my pop.  Once in the car all I could do was shake my head then laugh. 

Ready, Set, Jump!

If I am climbing a "Mountain" there better be a cliff at the top cause I'm ready to jump.  This past week has been a week I will soon not forget and as I sit here I know that this coming week won't be any better.  We have 14 days until Matthew's lip closure and I am stressed beyond belief.  If I could eat a gallon of ice cream I would, cheesecake - gone, cupcakes with cream cheese icing... you get the hint.   

Tomorrow first thing I need to call the dental office and beg for someone to repair Matthew's appliance due to the fact our dog chewed it.  I am so embarrassed that this even happened and to top it off our very lovely dentist is out of town.  The ONLY dentist in the city that does NAM appliances.  See the stress building and the need for cheesecake and ice cream?? 

I also get to see the parking attendant and pay for last weeks parking cause some idiot (me) forgot her wallet at home and had to beg to get her van out of the parkade.

So here is to a fine woman who once said this; "If you want to see a rainbow, you have to deal with some rain". Dolly Parton

Tears

Matthew was hungry after waking from his nap so I warmed up a bottle and start to head back up to the bonus room to feed him.  Daniel decided that he would stay downstairs and watch TV.  I turned on his favorite show when I noticed the dog was at the back door so with Matthew crying I opened the back door and left it open so that he could come and go.  It was nice enough out and I often will do this during the summer.  While sitting in my chair upstairs I could hear Daniel playing and singing along to his show.  I got distracted feeding my little monkey and it wasn't too long before he was done and I took out my pumping stuff.  I got myself all hooked up when I hear Daniel crying.  It was then I got that sick feeling, it was to far away, where was he??  I unhook myself and run down stairs to see my little boy standing on the deck in the backyard.  He had gone out then closed the sliding door.  He couldn't have been out there more than 20 minutes but his feet and hands were so cold and to top it off he was having an asthma attack.  Sitting with Daniel on my lap for the next half and hour wrapped in a blanket I was so thankful.  I know that it was by the grace of God that his little breathless cries made it through that door, across the house and up the stairs to the bonus room.  Tonight all my babies are safe.  They are all tucked into bed and I am shedding grateful tears.

Is Today Monday??

This morning I broke the side mirror on my van.  That's what I get for watching Canada's Worst Driver last night.  That show sure makes me laugh, except I wasn't laughing this morning.  
Then I spent the next few hours talking on the phone with the hospital trying to get Matthew's nurse to calm down about his weight.  Babies tend to gain about 24 grams a day.  Matthew gains 13 grams a day.  I don't get it, if he is gaining then shouldn't we just back off and let the poor kid be?  The conversation ended with me in tears and my feet dug in.  I will not add the powdered formula to his breast milk or liquid formula to give him extra calories.  He doesn't like it and won't eat it.  We tried this before and he stopped drinking breast milk for over a week.  The Alimentum formula he's on for his allergy is the only option besides breast milk.  So why would I mess with it?  So with that we have yet again butted heads and I am so tired of fighting.  I now have extra appointments next week so that the clinic pediatrician can see him.  I'm tired of doctors appointments.  I'm tired of paying for parking at a hospital cause that's where his doctors and clinics are.  I'm tired. 

The Fantastic Four

Here are my four trick or treaters getting ready to head out the door.  We had quite the fiasco before hand as Daniel wanted to be Spiderman and Darth Vader.  As soon as he hit the first house he forgot all about it.  True to form Becca was the leader of the pack and ran to every house.  Daniel was keeping up the rear.  Not because he wasn't running, it was because he would stay for a visit at every single house.  It was quite funny.  After our hour out we came home where Becca had a good time handing out candy to the kids that came to our door.  This is my favorite part as we hand out all the contraband candy that came in the kids' haul.  You know things like suckers, hard candy, and gum.  These things always seem to end up in hair or stuck to my carpet so the get redistributed ASAP.  

Our week is hectic as Matthew and I have three appointments up at the hospital.  He gets to see his plastic surgeon again and the clinic pediatrician.  Here's to hoping that they are excited about his weight gain as our regular pediatrician is.  Matthew's surgery is coming up in 5 weeks so we have to make sure that he doesn't have any set backs in his feeding.  Right now he can't eat with his NAM in.  He's had a hard time with it since the appliance became uniform.  The gap in his gum-line is almost touching so there isn't a piece of acrylic separating the left and right side of the gum line.  Make sense?  I think the NAM moves when he eats causing some discomfort.   Hopefully the dentist will be able to fix it during our appointment with her on Thursday.  I am starting to see the end of the tunnel with his appliance and can't wait until I am no longer pealing tape off his face.  The sad thing is he sometimes doesn't even cry anymore.  It's like he has cheeks of steal. 

Take note...

...that falling asleep while still being hooked up to a breast pump is NOT a good idea. All I can say is that when you finally clue in, ouch.

I am smitten!

Matthew Ben - 2 Mths

What did you learn today?

In church last Sunday Daniel had a lesson in Nursery about living in heaven before we came to earth. Apparently this didn't sit well with him and he corrected his teacher, he lived in a space ship.

A small request...

http://fourjacksons.blogspot.com/

This post is for a little lady named Clare. This little girl has had so many hardships but through it all she has a smile that can melt the coldest of hearts. She is a miracle baby and she needs a few prayers right now. Please take a look at her Mom's latest post and include this sweet child and her family in your prayers.

Amanda

FYI

Just in case you were wondering the following is a list of things NOT to say to a parent of a child born with a cleft. (Lip or palate.)

1. They can operate, right?

2. Poor baby, what causes that?

3. That looks just awful.

4. He'll look so good once that is fixed.

5. Oh, he has a harelip... (Harelip is a derogatory term.)

6. How soon can they fix that?


This is just a small list of things that have been said over the past 8 weeks of Matthew's life. Another question I don't like is when people ask how he eats. I told my husband on our date the other night that if another stranger asks this, my reply will be... with his toes. We laughed and behaved our selves when 10 minutes later the restaurant manager asked. We answer all questions honestly and don't really mind if people are kind.
It does however bother me if parents or other uninformed adults answer questions on my behalf. Take for instance I was talking with a group of ladies and a child came up and asked what had happened to Matthew. Before I could open my mouth another lady piped up, His lip is a bit broken...the doctors will fix him. Ahh excuse me??? Last time I check he wasn't or isn't broken.

We have our surgery date booked for Matthew's up coming lip repair. To be perfectly frank, I am not excited that it is so soon. I love Matthew just the way he is. His nurse told me before he was born that I will miss and morn his widesmile. I didn't believe her...until now. I am a mother of 4 beautiful and gorgeous children. Each one of their smiles have burned into my very soul and I adore them.

Bits

Matthew is now 8lbs 5oz. Come on everyone lets cheer!!!

Michael has an allergy to something and has broken out in hives all over his body.

Rebecca learned that she can have the office call home when she is "not feeling well".

Daniel is such a little character. I love how he sings and dances the whole day through.

My DH let me go to bed first last Friday night while he stayed up with Matthew until his next feed. I "heart" him!

I made banana muffins today and a homemade meal.

Matthew smiles and coos.

Michael calls his little brothers his little Dumplings, I am his big Tomato.

Rebecca is so keen when it comes to dancing. She even asked for an extra part in the Nutcracker. (No, I didn't encourage it. It was all her.)

Daniel held my hand and told me it was okay while my Dr. checked my section sight last week. Daniel kept saying, "It's okay Mommy. I'm here, I'm here".

My DH got the kids ready for school earlier this week while I sat and pumped for our Matthew. I love how much he supports my pumping.

I haven't cried all week.

My Head is Pounding

I can't believe that we are already into October. It seems so surreal that 7 weeks have passed since our baby joined our family. I came to realize this week after a few shed tears that I am missing so much of Matthews infancy. It's been a hard week for me. On Friday Matthew weighed in at 8 lbs, 1oz. Not a big change since I last reported his weight on this blog. (He was 7lbs, 7 oz on Sept. 21) Sense my frustration???



On a grouchy note:
Sometime ago I sat in front of a woman. It was known to her that I had challenges with Daniel not eating and gaining weight. (He was failure to thrive due to early onset of Asthma.) She still had the nerve to say the following: "Any idiot can feed a baby". To which I didn't reply then. Now, if I had the chance to rewind and sit in front of her again...I'd say SCREW YOU!

All done. Gone to feed and cuddle my baby.

Bringing Home Baby

The day we brought Matthew home I came home with two babies. I "loving" refer to the second baby as Bertha. You see baby Bertha is very important, however try as I might can not seem to find much affection for her. She is rather heavy and can't come with us when we venture out. Still here she is sitting in to the left of my rocking chair. The same chair I plant my bottom in every time my little Matthew needs to eat or just when he needs to snuggle. Without Bertha, Matthew would not have the opportunity to "breastfeed". For this alone I am grateful to have her home with us for as long as we need her.

Changes

There is one thing for certain in life, change happens. Here is our little Matthew three days old to five weeks old.

He is still a tiny might and he sure lets us know when the stars are not aligned to his liking. Life has not been easy for him but he sure is one tough kid. He meets his team at the hospital once or twice a week. During one of those visits we came really close to having to have him admitted. I thank my lucky stars that the hospital was full and because he showed some improvement in the ER we were able to come home. His diagnosis, he has had an allergy to milk. More specifically to the protein in the milk. As a result he was put on a special formula that is awful. This stuff smells so bad going in and coming out isn't pleasant either. We have been able to put him back on my milk as long as I stay off of all dairy. If he doesn't get better then I will have to go off all protein until we can figure out how his little body is handling protein. He suffers from reflux so he takes medication for that twice a day. With all of this he developed a bottle adversion. Basically he blames the bottle for all his ailments. It makes sense, if you don't eat you don't get pain. Problem with this is that eating is essential to life. He now weighs 7lbs, 7 oz and if he continues to improve they won't admit him and gavage feed him. (Tube feed.)

He is now sporting his NAM (Nasoalveolar Molding) device. It wasn't love at first sight that's for sure but now I call it his little friend. He plays with it and sucks on it when his soother isn't around. As you can see by the picture above it is held in place by elastics and tape running on his little cheeks. These tapes have to been pulled tight as to not cause little sores in his mouth. He had one little sore last week and again it must have been the bottle to do it. ;) So we had a few days with tough feeds. His NAM is adjusted each week and hopefully we only have to do this for 12 weeks.

He had another echo for his heart and everything came back really good. I am thankful for the blessings that Matthew has received and I don't forget who or what caused his heart to heal.

A Week of Firsts

Michael and Becca had their first day of grade 2 yesterday. Becca was so excited she woke me up at 5:00am and wanted to get dressed. I convinced her to let me sleep and she laid on the couch until it was time to get up. Michael was excited to get to see all of his friends and was jumping to get out the door to the bus stop. When the bus came they both got on without turning to wave goodbye. My eyes stung a bit until I saw Michael (who had landed the backseat of the bus) turn and wave with a huge smile on his face. They have have grown up so fast and I find it hard to believe that they are in grade 2.
The only one not excited about all of this was Daniel. He was so upset that his sister was heading off. He wanted to go to and put on a backpack and everything. He was quite the little shadow yesterday and he seemed to always be under my feet. I hope to get to my ward Mom & Tots this week so that he can play and have something to do.
Matthew today had his first trip to an operating room. It wasn't anything major, he had a mold taken of his cleft palate for the appliance they are putting in next week. So happy birthday buddy, you are two weeks old today and have already had your first fast. He wasn't too impressed with the whole fasting bit. His doctor told me he was so good and only cried while the "mud" was in his mouth. Than after that he just looked around and was checking everything out.

Welcome Home

Last week we warmly welcomed our fourth little baby into our family. We have named him Matthew and he sure has our family smitten with his strong, sweet spirit. He was born at 3:45pm and weighed in at 6lbs, 15oz. He was 19 inches long and has lots of black hair.

He came into the world taking care of business right from the start, he took his first pee just as he was getting his cord clamped. He was greeted by a pediatrician, two nurses, and a respiratory therapist who did everything under the sun to ensure our little Matthew was getting started in a positive way and it wasn't long until he was crying. After only a few minutes I got to do something the doctors told me not to expect, I got to hold him. There in a very frightening room was my little boy. I looked at this little blue eyed baby and my tears of relief and sure joy blurred much of that time but I will never forget that moment. I fell in love and my heart was burning and it hurt. My gratitude for answered prayers overwhelmed my body. I maybe only had him in my arms for a minute but that was all I needed. While in recovery nurses and doctors came and gave me updates. They wheeled my big long stretcher through the NICU where I saw my husband sitting in a chair holding our son. There were wires coming from the blanket and monitors showing his heart, oxygen, and breathing rates. I can't remember if I even had a chance to hold him again, but I did get to see him.
The rest of the day is a blur and I don't remember much except for nurses and my doctor coming and checking on me often. I was hemorrhaging and in so much pain. They pushed the drugs into my IV and it was until much later in the evening that I insisted they take me to Matthew. I spent the next three days being wheeled with an IV in tow back and forth from my room and the NICU. After day four I was discharged and was able to room in with Matthew for his final night. Coming home was amazing and it feels good to have everyone healthy and safe.

There isn't a second of the day that I don't thank God for his blessings. I am thankful for family and friends that fasted and prayed for our family and our Matthew. I am thankful for my faith, it is what keeps me going. I am grateful for my children and a husband who never ceases to amaze me. I am just grateful and my heart is full.

Zero

See that cute lady with the belly on the right hand side of the screen? What does it say...zero. Time is up and tomorrow my husband and I will be off to the hospital to welcome our new little boy. Tonight I have three beautiful children sleeping in their beds, and tomorrow one more beautiful little boy will be placed in my arms.

So with a very full heart, I thank all of those who have prayed and fasted on our behalf. I thank those who have been so gracious to offer meals and child care. Don't you all worry, I will be calling!